Empress Frederick to Queen Victoria

13 January 1893

All you say about a mother’s feelings when her daughter marries are an echo of my maternal sentiments.  Still…A young girl does not remain a young girl – time flies!  and it would be sad to see instead of motherhood and a matronly look taking its place, a withered and perhaps discontented and disappointed old maid!  I should reproach myself then, and she might reproach me and think her life and happiness has been sacrificed to me!

*********

(Fischy and Margaret at the time of their engagement, not sacrificing their happiness to Vicky.  Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As it had been from the beginning of her marriage, Vicky had taken great interest in finding partners for her unmarried children, nieces and nephews, and members of her extended family.  Finding a husband for her second daughter Victoria (known as Moretta) had been particularly tough. But by early 1893, Vicky had just one child left at home: 20-year-old Margaret, her youngest.  After both Eddy and a second suitor, Maximilian of Baden rejected Margaret, she had at last found a Hessian prince (Friedrich Charles or Fischy) who returned her affections.  The wedding was set for January 25 – Vicky’s own wedding anniversary.

Vicky had been a widow for several years by this point.  Seeing similarities in her own situation, Victoria felt that her daughter simply could not and should not live alone.  Victoria pointed to Beatrice tending to her mother’s needs even after her own marriage, and the Princess of Wales intended to keep her two youngest daughters unmarried.  Victoria had a difficult time understanding why Vicky was so happy that Margaret had found a husband.  Victoria insisted that if Vicky were so bound and determined for Margaret to be married, Vicky should have at least demanded that Margaret and Fischy live with her.

To put it bluntly, Vicky had much more appreciation for her younger daughters as individuals.  Unlike her mother, Vicky did not assume that any of her children would be happy if she were happy regardless of the circumstances.  Vicky seemed to understand and respect that her daughters had shown interest in having their own families and lives away from their mother.  As Vicky notes in the letter above, she clearly believes that the restrictions put on Beatrice and Toria (Bertie and Alexandra’s second daughter, who remained single) were unfair and would cause resentment later.

Vicky had a more practical reason for wanting to marry off Margaret – money.  Whereas Victoria was a very wealthy woman able to leave sizable inheritances to all of her children, Vicky was not especially rich for a dowager empress.  Her son Wilhelm had made Vicky’s living situation difficult after Fritz died; Wilhelm’s difficult relationship with his youngest sisters made Vicky fear that Wilhelm wouldn’t be willing to provide for them in the event of her death.  Vicky was only able to build her home in the Taunus Mountains through the generosity of a deceased friend.  If Margaret were married, she would have a home of her own and not have to rely on the unpredictable charity of relatives or friends.  When Victoria again expressed her lack of understanding on Vicky’s insistence that Margaret be married, Vicky explained her reasons:

I used always to fear that my girls would be without a home of their own if I should be suddenly taken – and after one has been through so much sorry, one seems so much more familiar with the thought that one’s life might at any moment be at an end, and so anxious to provide for the safety and comfort of one’s children while one has time!

With these words, Vicky seems to be trying to get her mother to understand her motives by bringing up the feelings Victoria knew and understood best – loneliness, anxiety, lack of security, and loss.  Victoria accepted Margaret’s marriage, but never truly felt that being alone suited Vicky.

And with Margaret’s marriage, Vicky was indeed alone, a situation she tolerated far better than her mother.  She busied herself with the finishing of her Taunus home (Friedrichshof), riding, painting, and the comings and goings of her large family.  It became rare not to have a visiting cousin, sibling, or grandchild at Friedrichshof.  Vicky nursed her sister Helena in overcoming a dependence on morphine there, and entertained Bertie on his annual trips to the spa town of Bad Homburg.  In time, even Wilhelm and his family spent time at Friedrichshof. 

Although Vicky’s happiness in her independence was short lived (she died of cancer in August 1901), Vicky remained close to Margaret until the former’s death.  In her absence, it was her daughter Margaret who eventually became the family matriarch, taking care of her own children and grandchildren at Friedrichshof.  Although the World Wars were difficult on Margaret, Vicky left no withered, discontent, and disappointed old maids in her wake.