"...be happy and succeed in all you undertake!"

Queen Victoria to Princess Victoria

Buckingham Palace, February 2, 1858

My first occupation on this sad, sad day – is to write to you.  An hour is already past since you left – and I trust that you are recovering a little, but then will come that awful separation from dearest Papa!  How I wish that was over for you, my beloved child!  I struggle purposely against my feelings not to be too much overcome by them, as it is our duty to do, but I feel very sick when I think all, all is past, all that seemed so distant, all the excitement, everything – and nothing here by a sad, sad blank!  Yes it is cruel, very cruel – very trying for parents to give up their beloved children, and to see them go away from the happy peaceful home – where you used all to be around us!  That is broken in, and you, though always our own dear child, and always able to be at home in your parents’ house, are no longer one of the many, merry children who used to gather so fondly round us!

But we have such reason to be thankful, very very thankful, and this will carry us over the first bitter moments of separation, which are bitter indeed, and the knowledge of your having such a very dear, kind, excellent, tender-hearted husband on whose bosom you can pour out every grief, whom we love and trust as our own son (indeed more than a son, for the husband of one’s own daughter stands to a mother, after her daughter, the nearest of anyone) is a comfort and a satisfaction and a relief which we do most truly realise and appreciate, and which will soothe our sorrow and our anxiety and enable us very soon to look with peace and pleasure (unmixed with the grief we now experience) which filled our hearts with such unbounded joy, when we saw you at Windsor – and since.  Those days at Windsor, so full of joyful recollections to you both, will ever remain most bright and happy ones to us!

It is snowing away and everything is white and dreary!  I could not go out – and shall see if I can this afternoon. 

Poor dear Alice, whose sobs must have gone to your heart – is sitting near me writing to you…Dearest, dearest child, may every blessing attend you both.  Continue as you have begun in private and public, and you will be happy and succeed in all you undertake!

5 o’clock

Dearest Papa came back at 4 very sad and gave me the touching details of the parting which I dreaded for you, my darling child, very much.  He told me also how gratifying the reception you met with and the sympathy shown by all was.  It is very, very gratifying and will I am sure make dear Fritz love our dear old England still more and make him wish to come back very often, and I hope for longer than his visits (two in a year) used to be!  I am already planning how we shall go to Germany. 

Your brothers are much affected, in particular dear Affie.

**********

(Vicky and Victoria shortly before the former's marriage.  Photo credit: dustontheshelves.blogspot.com)

Victoria writes this letter on the day that 17-year-old Vicky set sail for the country that she would call home for the rest of her life.  It’s not quite as simple as that – Victoria insisted that Vicky remember and remain the British Princess Royal even after she moved to Prussia, but nevertheless this was a big moment in the lives of these two women.  And as it happened, it is this move that began the 40 plus years of correspondence that is a huge inspiration/contributor for this blog. 

Vicky had married her beloved Fritz on January 25, 1858, after a 2.5 year engagement.  Despite the fact that Fritz was an heir presumptive of the Prussian throne, Victoria had steadfastly insisted that that Princess Royal marries in Britain and thus the wedding took place at the Chapel Royal in St. James’ Palace.  This was a marriage highly desired by both Victoria and Albert, both of whom hoped to simultaneously gain a powerful ally in Prussia and for Vicky and Fritz to tame Prussia’s militarism with their liberal ideas.  It’s clear from the tone of this letter that Victoria sees a very bright and auspicious future for her eldest daughter. 

One might think this was the first letter the Victoria wrote to Vicky after her marriage, but there was at least one other letter in which the Queen wrote her daughter that day, delivered to Vicky on her honeymoon.  Immediately after the wedding breakfast, Vicky and Fritz headed to Windsor for a two-day honeymoon, then back to London for the final festivities before the new couple took off for Berlin.  Victoria remarked in her journal that day that the couple seemed very happy with one another, but also noted that she hadn’t quite gotten used to seeing Vicky leave with Fritz at bedtime. 

Of her children, Victoria probably looked forward to Vicky’s marriage the most.  But as with the marriages of all of her daughters, Victoria felt she was permanently losing part of Vicky that she would never get back.  This seemed to be a real turning point in Victoria’s life; with the marriage of each successive daughter, Victoria enacted more and more restrictions until Beatrice – fortunate she was able to marry at all – never had a home of her own with her husband.

Vicky left Britain on a snowy and cold day in London.  For a family who was so close, the parting was a difficult one.  Victoria wrote in her journal:

We went into the Audience Room where Mama and all the Children were assembled and her poor Vicky and Alice’s as well as the other’s tears began to flow fast…Still I struggled but as I came to the staircase my breaking heart gave way.  The Hall was filled with all our people and their [the Prussians]…amongst the many servants there, I don’t think there was a dry eye.  Poor dear Child…I clasped her in my arms, not knowing what to say and kissed good Fritz, pressing his hand again and again…Again at the door of the carriage I embraced them both…What a dreadful moment, what I real heartache to think of our dearest child being gone and not knowing how long it may be before we see her again!

Vicky’s brothers Bertie and Affie, her father, and her great-uncle Adolphus, Duke of Cambridge saw the couple to Gravesend for their crossing to Antwerp.  All of the men cried along with Vicky at the thought of her parting with the exception of Albert, who embraced his daughter as she cried.  He wrote a very moving letter to her the next day describing how lonely he felt without her there. 

It was fortunate that Victoria and Albert felt they were putting their daughter in good hands with Fritz.  While Albert died just shy of four years after the wedding, Victoria continued to have a very warm relationship with Fritz (with the exception of a few spats throughout the years) until his death in 1888.  It is clear from Victoria’s words here just how much Fritz was considered part of the family and the love they had for him.  Victoria did create good relationships with sons-in-law Louis of Hesse and Henry of Battenberg as well, but none seemed quite as solid as her affection for Fritz. 

It is interesting how Victoria mentions the effects of Vicky’s departure on Alice.  The two girls had been quite close up until Vicky’s marriage, sharing a room, clothes, and lessons among other things.  Alice was suddenly the eldest daughter at home, and the eyes would be turning to her next to marry and leave home.  Although neither could know it at the time, Victoria became much closer to Alice over the next three years, with the latter becoming an invaluable confidante, unofficial secretary, and lifeboat in the dark months following Albert’s death. 

Victoria also seemed somewhat unnerved after the first year of Vicky’s marriage had passed; with Vicky’s troubles acclimatingto Berlin court life and the problematicbirth of her first child, the Queen started to wonder if Vicky had been too young to marry.  Although Victoria did urge Vicky to start poking around Germany for a spouse for Alice, she was not in as great a hurry to marry off Alice as she was Vicky.  After a promising meet up with a Dutch prince went bust, Alice did become engaged, although she was nearly 18 at the time, where as Vicky was not quite 15 when she did the same. 

It is easy to look at this letter as prophetic – that despite the fact that Vicky was so arduously prepared to change the world from Berlin, the impact she made was far from what her father had intended.  Or that the pain Victoria felt separating from her daughter was small potatoes to what she would feel just a few years later.  But at this point, in 1858, Victoria was another proud mother wishing her daughter all the happiness and success in the world as she started her new life.  From many of their letters we’ve already discussed, that warmth and love between Victoria and Vicky never faded.